One thing that has been a pretty hard pill to swallow for me is that my life is not my own anymore. When you have kids your life becomes your kids; but at the same time most people work and raise children at the same time. That is not the case for me.
In the begging after having Eli I was a stay at home mom, mostly because my husband is active duty military and we moved A LOT in the last 3 years. It was very hard for me to find a job, but I did. In the past three years I had several jobs. I really enjoy being a stay at home mom as much as I do being a working mother; but I think what I liked about my life before is I always had the option to be either. I do not have that option anymore, at this point I am unable to work. My life is being completely consumed with Eli’s therapies (I am not complaining, I want these things for Eli and they are necessary for his development and I would do this same thing for my next child and any amount of children we end up having.) What I am simply saying is that the life I am living is not my own, I am living my life for Eli. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so; this is what motherhood should be. Mother’s should be sacrificing their own lives for their children. Not having the option to go back to work does make me feel a little boxed in though. Before when I would find work I would put Eli in daycare, now I don’t have that option. Eli is in in-home therapy mon-fri 8am-12pm, speech therapy Tuesday night and Wednesday night and occupational therapy Wednesday afternoon. How would I be able to put my child in daycare with that type of schedule? How would I be able to take college courses (that were not online) with that type of schedule? How do families with two working parents (or a working single parent) get their children the help that they need???
Having the in-home therapy during the mornings does give me some leeway with appointments and errands and actually has been helpful to have during those things. The mornings are when I can schedule all my doctor’s appointments and get shopping done because I have an extra set of hands to help me. But at the same time I am not going to make the therapists go to kohl’s with me to try on shorts, those type of errands get pushed to the back burner whenever I find time after my husband is home.
As you can imagine living off one income is hard for a family of three, especially one living in southern California. I am continuously looking of ways to make money for our family from online transcription, to night shifts, weekend shifts, to even making this blog (although making money off a blog takes a lot of time, a lot a lot of time).
Despite all of the struggles I have to go through, Eli struggles more. That is why, even if I sometimes feel taken over, I will continue to make these sacrifices for him.