Eli has come so far in his social skills. His vocabulary is amazing and he is so smart. He’s more comfortable interacting with others at school and in our neighborhood. Although he’s had such amazing growth I am still very nervous about him making friends. Mainly because kids can be assholes.
Eli is still so very sensitive. The littlest things make him upset. Currently, our biggest issues with him is his crying. At school when he’s told to change tasks he often times gets upset and cries. If the toy he wanted to play with isn’t there, he cries. If I’m not standing on the sidewalk when he gets through the gate, he cries.
At home, if he’s not granted the snack he wants, he cries. If he’s told he has to turn off his iPad and go to bed, he cries. When we can’t go out and do the things he wants to do, he cries.
Most significantly, he cries a lot during interactions with his friends. Whenever there is the smallest disturbance with his friends, he usually ends up crying and running inside. No kidding, as I type this the boys were outside playing tag and Eli just came in crying because he was it (which he’s usually it) and he couldn’t tag the other boys and was getting frustrated so he started crying. Lately when he’s upset he tells his friend he doesn’t love him anymore, and they look at him a little funny. I’ve explained that love is for family and like is for friends. I get very nervous for him because he’s 5 now and kids that age start to judge.
One thing I would LOVE to fix Is the interactions with friends that make him upset. Sometimes Eli is justified for being upset with his friends. Often times when they play tag he is always it, he will finally tag someone and they immediately tag him back. The other kids are a little older and a lot more fast than him, it’s almost an impossible game. Sometimes, though, Eli’s fits are unjustified. One time some of the kids were getting ready to play four square. Eli didn’t want to play and continued playing with his cars. His friend told him to move over so he didn’t get hit- Eli took that as go away we don’t want you here.
So how exactly do you get your child to stop crying for non-crying situations? You can’t just tell someone to stop crying. He feels these emotions and runs with them. I love the fact that he’s so passionate; he generally enjoys life. The problem is that even though his highs are high, his lows get extremely low. The only good thing about his behavior is the blow outs never last long. When he’s upset about a situation he is usually over it within a couple minutes. For the time being, his friends seem to forget about it almost instantly, too. As soon as he’s calmed down and wants to go back outside, they welcome him.
Another issue my husband and I are noticing is that Eli isn’t standing up for himself. He is new to socialization so he just kind of rolls with whatever the other kids too. When his friend comes over here he runs the show. They do whatever he wants to do. Which is usually play with Elis Ipad or Wii. Which are both one player so Eli either watches or plays something else. All we can do for that is regulate or tell them to do something together.
Really I think my nerves are normal and to be expected. Any parent probably feels like this sometimes (right?). All I can do is guide him, give him advice, and let him learn on his own. Friendships can be hard, especially new ones. But there’s not a doubt in my mind that Eli will find some great friends that are a perfect match for him and he will be just fine.
Mastering Motherhood 