March 2020 – Mastering Motherhood

A Parents Quarantine Guide

Posted on March 25, 2020 by Mom Boss

Hi friends!

How are we all doing during Quarantine?
Going insane? Kids eat all the snacks already? How many times have you watched Frozen II on Disney+ ? Running out of things to do with your kids?

If you’re like me and answered yes to all of the above, let’s work it out together.

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Dump screen time rules!

Honestly… when the kids are inside the house 24/7 for an undetermined amount of time, it’s unrealistic to slap a weak time limit on something that occupies our kids so well. Sure, we can put together a whole list of daily activities, but we all know that no matter how much you plan for your kids during the day, there’s always going to be a ton of boring downtime. So screw it. When we’ve exhausted all our other ideas… just let them go and enjoy your alone time. Look at it positively…. If your child gets down a Minecraft tutorial Youtube rabbit hole, you have time to watch an entire movie- uninterrupted.

Does your family have any online streaming services? We made the switch a couple years ago to go from satellite TV to online streaming only. Currently, we have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Disney+. Basically the options for my kids are endless; which means, more distractions for them and more alone time for me (hopefully).

Forget the toilet paper… Get those chips!

No matter what age child you may be stuck at home with during this time (or even an adult manchild for that matter) snacks are a MUST. When kids are in school we pack only a snack and lunch for them, but for some reason when kids are home they need to eat every 30 minutes. Load up on everyone’s go-to snacks. Now I’m not saying be that asshole that goes and clears the shelves at Walmart or Meijer of all the bags of Lay’s potato chips… but feel free to get yourself a few bags. Both my kids are on big fruit kicks right now, which I love, but obviously fruit doesn’t have a long shelf life, so make sure to stock up on your kids favorite non-perishables because trust me, they’re going to eat them.

Pinterest is your new best friend

Running out of ideas to keep the kids occupied? Prepare to get lost in a Pinterest Black Hole. Now, I’m not saying turn into a “Pinterest Mom” Well, by all means… do your thing. All I’m saying is, there is no better place out there to get inspiration for literally ANYTHING other than Pinterest. I set aside a good 30 minutes the other day and pinned a bunch of indoor activities for children and wrote down what supplies I would need. Now that I have all/most of my supplies I am going to start testing out all the ideas. Since we don’t know just how long this quarantine is going to last, I’m going to do one Pinterest activity a day. That way I don’t use up all my ideas in 1-2 days.

Time consuming activities

Nothing fancy or creative here. Just good old fashion time-consuming fun. Line up some activities that will occupy your kids for longer than 30 minutes Yesterday I wanted to clean the house while my daughter was asleep so I told Eli to go in his room and make Batman town out of his Imaginext playsets. He took it one step further and said he will do an Imaginext town and a Lego town and have them Battle. He was in there for almost 2 hours. Win for me. I got 3 rooms cleaned and my car vacuumed in peace.

Try these:

-100+ piece puzzles

– Lego Challenges: assign them certain designs to create, it will take longer than just tinkering

– Make a book: I have premade empty booklets (pictured below) or you can always DIY a book with paper and a stapler! If your child can’t write the words themselves yet have them draw the pictures and you can write the words for them!

– Outside Time: Spring is coming! Depending where you’re reading from, the weather may be starting to perk up. Sun is starting to shine a little more, the air is getting a little warmer, the snow is starting to melt, so kick those kids outside! Plan an outdoor nature walk, scavenger hunt, ANYTHING. Get them some fresh air and get yourself some space.

School is in session

Oh…that’s right…we’re supposed to be homeschooling our own kids during this quarantine. I almost forgot. The good news is, there are a lot of online options to help you out.

– ABC Mouse : New sign ups enjoy one month free. It seems after that it is $10/mo, cancel anytime. We have used this in the past and my son really did enjoy it. A lot of the activities are very play based but also have great educational bases

–ABCYA : My son actually told me about this site. It is the one they use in computer class at his school. This website can be used for free, or you can upgrade to the PRO version for $10/mo
–Teachers pay Teachers : If your child does better with pencil and paper learning, check this out. I saw some teachers recommend this to someone on facebook the other day so I checked it out. There is an endless amount of printable activities you can do with your kids. Certain items do require payment but there are also a lot of FREE options available too!
-Reading time: Whether your child is an independent reader, non-reader, or an inbetweener, try to set aside some reading time. When school was in session Eli had to read a new book for class every night (short easy stories) that we always did right before bed. To be honest we did slack off on this. After I was done spring cleaning and organizing his room I stocked his room with books so we can start back up with our nightly story times!

No matter what your plan is for this quarantine, you’re sure to go insane regardless. As much as we love our kids, my god… being trapped in the house with them day in day out is exhausting. Just remember to give yourself mental and physical breaks from your kids and your responsibilities. It’s fine if you’re not actively parenting or teaching every minute of the day. It’s fine if your living room looks like a bomb went off. The day isn’t ruined if the morning dishes are still in the sink. There are 24 hours in a day and we have no idea how long this quarantine could last, so as the flight attendants say- secure your own mask before assisting those around you. Your mental and physical health matters too!

momlife, motherhood, parenting

Common Misconceptions of a SAHM

Posted on March 15, 2020March 15, 2020 by Mom Boss

I’m sure you could work if you really wanted to….
The military must be good money if most wives don’t work.
You don’t do anything all day.
I wish I had your life.
Your life is so easy

These are some things I have heard since I became a stay at home home mom 7 years ago. None of them bother me. In fact, I’m sure I probably say similar things about moms with other family dynamics. Since being a stay at home mom is something I know a lot about… let’s examine some of these frequently said claims, as they pertain to ME.

1. Could I work if I really wanted to?

-Well, yes and no. My life the past 7 years has always been….unstable (and no, I’m not talking about my mental health lol.) Being a military family, we have moved more times than I can even count. I generally don’t stay in a place long enough to hold a decent job. Before Eli started school, he did 20 hours of ABA therapy a week and an hour of speech and occupational therapy a week, then moved on to a 3-hour a day preschool. To hold a full time, or even a part time job for that matter, I would need to hire a full time nanny to be home for therapies and be able to get my son to and from school.

Now that my son is in school full time, I was left at home with my daughter. Could I have worked then? Yes. And I did apply to jobs, unfortunately I didn’t get them. Currently, Eli is in school full time and Camille just started special ed preschool that is 3 hours T-F. So here I am again with more time constraints. I bring my son to school at 8, head back to school to drop my daughter off at 1130, then go back to pick both kids up at 230. Are there any jobs hiring Tuesday- Thursday between the hours of 12-2:30pm??

Furthermore, if I did get a job at any point in the last few years, without a Bachelor’s Degree, any entry level job I could would probably pay pretty closely to what my cost for childcare would be. At that point, is it worth it?

2. So how good IS military pay?

-To put this as vaguely, yet informatively, as possible… no, military pay doesn’t live up to the hype. Listen… if you were to look at the numbers before healthcare, rent, and taxes are taken out, sure, it would look pretty damn good. Then again, that’s true for everyone’s paychecks! I think two of the biggest misconceptions of military pay are: (1) we get free healthcare and rent (2) Military members get paid very well. Both of these are false.

Healthcare, for the member and their family, is taken out before the money reaches the member. Same is said for rent. If you are living in military housing, the rent is taken out of your paycheck before it reaches the service member. I’m assuming this is where the idea comes from that these things are all free? Healthcare coverage depends what plan you’re on and your location. Sometimes everything can be covered 100% with no copays and no deductibles. Currently for my location and the plan that I am on, I pay both.

In all, the military pays decently- not horrible, not fantastic. My husband makes enough to support his family, but the sad truth is… there are a lot more stable and safer careers out there that make far more money. The military definitely doesn’t pay enough for the work and the sacrifices made for the job. Of course, the higher you go, the higher the pay. likewise, if you enter the military with a college degree, you start out with a much higher salary than lower enlisted, and rightfully so.

So if military pay isn’t all that, why are so many wives stay at home moms (or just stay at home wives)? Well… it’s hard. Realistically, service members generally move every four years and can deploy during that four year time too. Having a lot of short lived jobs on your resume doesn’t look the best, nor does having long gaps either. A lot of military towns are saturated with people, making job prospects minimal and hard to come by. A lot of wives probably choose not to work for convenience, and some probably do it because they don’t have any other options!

3. What do I do all day?

-Depends on the day. Back when we lived in San Diego, a typical day for me would be 4 hours of ABA therapy, pick up and drop off at a 3 hour special ed preschool, cooking, cleaning, evening speech and occupational therapy appointments, laundry, homework, blogging, and bedtimes. Lately, an average day for me has been: bring my son to school at 8, come home and work out, bring my daughter to school at 11:30, clean the house and run errands, pick both kids up at 2:30, snacks, blog, computer work, dinner time, homework time, bedtime, then reclean the house. Is anything I do physically demanding? No. Do I have it easier than most people? Yes. Am I at the complete mercy of my children 24 hours a day and am slowly losing my mind? Also, yes.

4. I wish I had YOUR life.

-Well, I wish I had YOUR life. The grass is always greener folks… If your hair is short, you have the urge to cut it. When you cut your hair short, you impatiently wait for it to grow back out. There are obviously a lot of appealing parts of being a stay at home mom: seeing your kids more, being there for all of the firsts, yadda yadda. I think a big part of being a stay at home mom that often gets overlooked is that- when being a SAHM becomes a part of your identity, different parts of your identity get forced out. I’ve given up a career, my independence, my freedom. I am at the complete mercy of my children and their lives, so much so that I struggle just to find my purpose and passion in life beyond my kids. I often feel like just a shell of a person, with nothing in my life at all outside of raising children. Don’t get me wrong, I’d make the same choice again and again if given the opportunity. Just know, when you choose to stay home or work, there will always be a little part of you that yearns for the other choice.

5. My life is anything BUT easy

-Am I chopping lumber every day or performing lifesaving CPR on a patient? No, but my life is pretty mentally and emotionally challenging. My routines are repetitive, my freedom is nonexistent, my social life is limited. I am surrounded by kids nearly 24 hours a day. I struggle to finish a single task without being interrupted by a child. Trying to find time to work on my computer, clean an entire room, or even take a shower is a struggle. So sure, being a stay at home mom seems like a pretty easy gig, and it is in a lot of ways… but it is a lot more draining than people give it credit for.

This blog isn’t to try and say how hard working I am or make my life seem harder than it is. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I work harder than a working mom, another SAHM, or anyone at all for that matter.

A lot of people tend to have this perception that stay at home moms just sit on the couch all day watching real housewives all day eating snacks…don’t get me wrong… WE DO THAT.. we just don’t get to do that ALL THE TIME. There’s a lot more to this life than people think. There is a lot more mental exhaustion and loneliness than people think.

My favorite times of the day as a stay at home mom is the first thing in the morning when it’s dark and quiet and I enjoy my first cup of coffee in uninterrupted silence and at night after my kids have gone to bed when I enjoy a bedtime snack and do some yoga. Those two times are the only times during my day that are all mine. I still may not be able to do anything that I want to do, but at least I get that peace and quiet!

family, momlife, motherhood, parenting

What Screens are teaching my kids

Posted on March 7, 2020 by Mom Boss

I’ve never admitted to being a perfect parent. In fact, I am far from it. My kids eat like crap (processed foods, chips, Mcdonalds, really whatever the hell I can get them to eat..), we don’t follow daily schedules, I forget to brush teeth some nights, and I do not have a screen time limit. I wish I were a more structured mom, but honestly…. Whatever.

Has anyone heard the parenting tip: “Don’t let the TV be the babysitter?” Let’s all laugh together.. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that your kids shouldn’t be staring at a tv screen 18 hours a day. But isn’t parenting just easier when you can make dinner, take a shower, or clean the house uninterrupted because your kids are content and distracted?

I will say that my children are learning things from their screens that I couldn’t teach them. Not that I haven’t tried to teach them certain things.. but often times with my kids I’m just the teacher from Charlie Brown

Both of my kids have always had intense focus when it came to TV. Camille for instance, has learned so much from her favorite movies and shows. She had no desire to sit down and read books together. She did not take to using picture cards or sign language. One thing that she is doing, however, is watching shows and repeating words and phrases that she hears. I have heard her say SO MANY words, none of which are consistent or used for actual communication. She has memorized the lines and the songs from these movies and knows most of them by heart.

Just because she’s not actively trying to communicate with me, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that she doesn’t have an age appropriate vocabulary by now….. it’s just stuck in her head. Her favorite show, Word Party, just added a new season with a brand new character. A baby turtle who speaks mandarin. Camille is starting to say the words they say in Mandarin!

As for my son, Eli, he has always been a lover of TV. We brought him to his first movie at a movie theater when he was a little over a year old and it was true love ever since.

Now that he’s a little older, he’s let his love stretch across all different kinds of electronics. He watches shows and movies, watches Youtube videos, plays on his ipad, Nintendo switch, and WiiU. At a glance it looks like he’s just wasting his time with his face in a screen… and maybe he is, but honestly he is learning a lot more than he is wasting. Let me explain.

What Minecraft is teaching my son:

Geology: One day he told me he was having a hard time finding more obsidian. I’m like….what? I had to google what he was talking about. He knows all the different kinds of rocks, stones, gems, and soils.
Agriculture: He’s learning how to start and maintain gardens, what foods grow in the ground and above of the ground, what certain animals eat, etc.
Survival skills: when he plays this game in “Survival Mode” he has to keep track of his health and hunger levels. He has to keep his character out of danger, learn how to ward off things that can hurt him, he creates fire, makes shelter. He’s a regular boy scout!
Architecture: When Eli finishes a house, it honestly blows my mind. He can make the most elaborately designed houses. He makes secret passageways, hidden rooms, basements, attics, spare bedrooms. I’ve tinkered with the game in the past and I can tell you… this stuff is NOT easy.
Creativity: Watching him play this game is so mesmerizing. He gets so lost in this alternate universe. He creates scenarios and storylines; it’s truly great to see him in love with something so much. During his free time at school he creates Minecraft story books with hand drawn artwork and a story to match.

His love for Minecraft is insane. It’s an obsession, really. For his birthday this year, in lieu of a party I bought tickets for us to go to Minefaire in Indianapolis. He gets to meet all his favorite Youtubers, play the game on big screens and via virtual reality, watch stage shows, hang out with other Minecraft-obsessed kids his age.

What Super Mario Maker (Nintendo Switch) is teaching my son:

Creativity: If you’re unfamiliar with this game, you are creating your own levels from all versions of Mario Bros. he’s taught himself (I was no help) how to use all the features and how to make a new functioning and achievable level. Each level he makes is completely different from other ones he has done before.
Problem solving: Once you make your level you can then play the level. If he goes to play a level that he had just made and realizes that it is not achievable, he goes back and adjusts the problem areas.
Hand-eye coordination: Playing games like this is really helping him in this area. Holding the remote in his hands while concentrating on the screen is actually a great thing (in small doses, of course!)

How can Youtube possibly be helping my child?:

*Just a preface- this is based entirely on my son’s personal watch history on his kids Youtube account. I am fully aware of how much pointless, and often, inappropriate crap is on Youtube, even kids Youtube!*

– Minecraft: He knows all the top Minecraft Youtubers. He pays attention so well to these videos and is actually learning from them. He remembers different things these people make in the game and tries them on his own later. I would love to add that this is improving his listening skills when it comes to listening to his mother, alas it just appears to be for the TV.

– Life Hacks: The new craze Eli has been into on Youtube is Lifehacks. One day he came barreling out of his room asking me for solo cups and an empty paper towel roll. He watched a video on how to make a DIY speaker for a phone or Ipad and he wanted to make a speaker so he could “hear his games louder”

Listen… I know sitting in front of a screen all day is no way for a child to live. Kids need to be kids. I want my kids to be with friends, run around outside, play sports, make mud soup after a rainstorm. But let me be honest, if I’m busy, we have no plans, the weather is crappy out, or I’m just honest-to-God too tired to parent… my kids will be watching tv, playing games, or whatever. The whole “don’t let the TV be the babysitter” thing is not my style at all. As long as you are monitoring WHAT your kids are watching and HOW LONG they are watching screens for, it can actually be a great learning resource for them.

NEVER let people guilt you for your parenting choices. If your children are loved, clothed, and fed you are doing just fine.