Tag: depression

Posted in depression, momlife, motherhood, parenting, weight loss

Winter Break is Over

Posted on by Mom Boss

I haven’t blogged in a while, I haven’t been working my Usborne Books & More business, and I haven’t been posting much on social media in general. So what have I been doing? I’ve been trying to get my life together.

I’ve been quite vocal about my struggles with my mental and physical health. I really needed to take a step back from everything I was doing so I could focus on changing my life. I have been focusing on changing my lifestyle and building long lasting routines. To do so, I felt that I needed to cut out some of the extra things in my life so I can dedicate my time to my workouts, meal prepping, and being a better parent. 

I cut out some of my extra “to-dos” so my main focus can be completing my morning workout, getting in my protein smoothie and meal prepping, and creating solid routines for myself and my kids. As I mentioned in a past blog that I am taking Phentermine to help with my weight loss. The key to really making the medication work is using the time you’re on it to create a new lifestyle. This is what sets you apart from yoyo dieting. You can try all the fad diets and see great results, but once you stop the plan or have a few extra cheat days, the weight comes back on. What I am trying to achieve is changing my entire lifestyle to ensure long lasting results. 

I have cut out soda, I very rarely eat sweets, I have very little carbs, have upped my protein and healthy fat intake, and having meal replacement protein shakes. My exercises are all in-home. I follow a work out Youtube channel, The Body Project. They are between 20-45 min cardio workouts ranging from beginner to advanced. I rotate which workouts I do so my body doesn’t get too comfortable. Every night before bed I do between 15-20 minutes of stretching and yoga. Since gaining weight I have had a lot of knee and back problems and I can’t move as well as I used to. The stretching and yoga at night has helped SO MUCH! My back feels amazing, my knee hardly ever bothers me, and I am increasing my flexibility greatly!

-20 lbs

and still cruising!

So now that I’m getting back on track, what’s the next move? Throughout my hiatus I still have been working with the State of Michigan and my local health department as a Parent Representative for Home Health programs. I am helping the state and my community while also learning a lot of great information for myself. I plan on taking this experience and the information I’m learning and spreading awareness of so many great state-funded programs!

I will be going back to my Usborne Books & More sales. I am currently working on a better business model. I have never really been an outspoken person and I HATE being that pushy “buy my stuff” girl. But I, and this is no bullshit, honestly LOVE these books and my kids love these books. Unlike fake weight loss products, overpriced t-shirts, or cheap jewelry, I truly believe that children’s books is always a good investment. Keeping kids interested and engaged while learning is one of the best things parents and families can do for our kids. 

I also plan on keeping a better record of my weight loss and bringing you all along on the journey! I am working on a consistent blogging schedule and really committing myself to something that I love doing so much. 

I appreciate all the love and support that my readers, friends, and family have given me. Despite all the stress and low moments that may happen in my life, I am truly blessed. My life is worth working hard for! 

Posted in depression, mental health, momlife, motherhood

Tis the season…to love yourself.

Posted on by Mom Boss

The holiday season is full of happiness, love, and togetherness, right? Well, for a lot of us out there, with the holiday season comes a lot of negative emotions as well. With all these expectations about what a holiday should be or what/where our lives should be during the holidays can put a lot of pressure on us and bring out the negativity that we have been bottling inside ourselves. Christmas will be here before you know it, so let’s have a pre-holiday mental health check-in, shall we?

Who here hasn’t had the greatest time in 2019? Sure, we may have laughed a lot, had a lot of fun. Maybe we took a trip, went to some parties, had a baby, attended a wedding? Although there may have had some good times, was our MIND HAPPY IN 2019?

I’ve discussed in a previous blog my struggles with my mental and physical health. My mental health has been crippling me physically. 2019 is the heaviest weight I have ever been in my whole life. Sure, I am now on the track of healing myself both mentally and physically, however most of the year has not been good on me. I spent most of this year hating myself, hating my weight, the way I looked, I had no energy, wanted to be in bed all of the time. Despite being on antidepressants (they aren’t a great match for me) I still found myself constantly feeling overwhelmed, uninterested in life, disconnected. Aside from all this, having two kids on your own while their dad is on the other side of the country (now on the other side of the world) is enough to make the most sane person a little crazy. Most days I am stressed out and ready to snap. The last couple months I have been staying up after the kids go to bed (most nights) and having about two hours to myself. Y’ALL. I know bed is life, seriously I know, but DO THIS. Take that time for yourself. Silence, snack, shows, yoga, whatever. For me personally, this me-time really helps settle my mind, which is usually overworked and overstressed by about 6pm, and I find myself sleeping better. 

So, anyway, that’s me. Maybe you’re a little like me. Maybe you’re not like me at all. One thing I can tell you, no matter what you’re going through or what you’re feeling- It will get better. You may not be able to change your situation, but you CAN change how you choose to deal with it. If someone broke your heart, someone did you wrong, you got hurt, lost your job, or experienced a loss of a loved one.. there is no way to undo that. The only way we can make ourselves better is to take back control of our own lives. 

What can we do to get back to our best self in 2020?

  1. Therapy- I can tell you from personal experience, talking to a third party, unbiased, person helps more than you could ever imagine. You can get things off your chest, receive advice, learn tools to help manage and maintain your mind.
  2. See a doctor- whether your problems are mental or physical a physician is a great resource. A doctor can give you jumping off points to improve your health, they can find any underlying conditions that could be causing your symptoms (you mean you’re not just a fat lazy slob… you actually have thyroid problems? Wahh?!?), they can also prescribe medications to help regulate your physical and mental health.
  3. Physical fitness- I have never been an active person. Growing up and in my early adult life, I was never “big” but also never “fit” I was pretty average (in all areas of life). These last few months of doing regular workout routines, semi-decent eating, and nightly yoga/stretches I have felt leaps and bounds better than I have in years. 
  4. Surround yourself with support- Remove toxic people from your life. An asshole ex, “friends” who gossip about you or don’t have your best interest at heart. Maybe there’s people in your life who haven’t done anything wrong but also don’t contribute to you or your happiness- take a step back. 
  5. Love yourself- True happiness begins with loving yourself first. Be proud of yourself. Be happy with yourself. 

This Christmas, don’t let the darkness take away the magic. It doesn’t matter if your life isn’t perfect, enjoy the fact that you’re on this Earth at all. For every dark thought or feeling that comes into your mind, remind yourself of something good. 

Lastly, before I go- I want to remind everyone that YOU MATTER. Even if there are times that you don’t feel good enough. If you ever feel unloved or unworthy of love. If you feel as though your life is not worth living. YOU MATTER, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LIFE. 

Posted in depression, family, momlife, motherhood

Depression, Medication, and Nose jobs- Oh my!

Posted on by Mom Boss

You get to a point in your life where you need to step up and take control of everything that’s bothering you. 

I have been on antidepressants since I had my daughter in 2017. It has been a great thing for me. My depression started around the time I had my son 6 years ago. In retrospect, it probably started as post-partum depression that I never recognized. I had a new baby, I was recently married, and moved across the country to have my family all together. The depression I didn’t recognize, plus all of these other changes, really made me feel isolated. Despite the fact that I had my new family, we lived closer to my in-laws, and I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had (that I am still great friends with to this day) my outlook on life weighed heavy on me. By the time my daughter was born I finally broke through my fear of expressing my feelings and spoke up. I just finally realized it’s OK to tell people how you’re really feeling. It’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to get on medication. After two years on my medication, my depression is controlled and I am back in love with my life. I appreciate all that I have, I strive to see the positive in situations, I have reasons to get out of bed in the morning. Sure, I still have bad days, but that’s just life!

Since starting my depression medication, although it makes me feel 100X better, It did start to hold me back a little, physically. My mind was great, but my body was sluggish. I could barely make it through the day without taking a nap, or laying down. My mind wanted to go out and do fun things with my kids, but my body was like “eh….” I started to gain weight. A lot of weight. So I started doing fresh smoothies in lieu of breakfast. My husband taught me how to work out in a gym (don’t judge me, these new machines are confusing.) Everything I was trying was not working. After being in a wedding this summer and seeing myself in that dress, I said ok enough is enough. What I’m doing is not working, my body is working against me, I need help. I went to the doctor, got a physical, full blood work, discussed all of our options and decided the best course of action was to take a stimulant medication. This medication is designed to increase energy levels while decreasing appetite. Let me tell you….WOW. I see such a difference in myself in this week and a half that I’ve been on it. I have energy that I haven’t had in years. I’m getting things done whereas before, I would procrastinate everything or just simply not do it. For example… I now put away the laundry as soon as I take it out of the dryer! THE MADDNESS! For this medication to really have a long-lasting effect, you really need to take this opportunity to create healthy habits, so that when you stop the medication you can still lose weight. I have started working out every morning and having fruit and spinach smoothies for breakfast, and keep myself moving throughout the day. I am actively trying to get myself into a healthy routine. I’m able to be more interactive with my kids, my house has never been cleaner, and I just overall, fell SO MUCH BETTER!!

Now that I have my mind in a better place and am working on getting my body back, there is only one more thing that I have put off for far too long. My damn nose. Unbeknownst to me, I am a loud and viscous snorer. …Who knew? I have thought for a long time (before my husband called me out for snoring) that my  breathing wasn’t as good as it should have been. I remember back in middle or high school that I noticed that I was only breathing out of one nostril sometimes. This sticks in my mind because I remember wondering if everyone only breathed out of one nostril, like maybe each nostril takes turns…. I know, I know… In the past few years I noticed my nostril airflow was getting worse. I don’t feel congested, imagine feeling like your airway is just too small to get enough air into it. I finally went to see an ENT doctor. After getting a 12” camera up my nose, we discover that my septum is severely deviated. In his words “almost completely plastered to the other side of my nose. I am set to get a septoplasty next month and I CANNOT WAIT. I’m not even thinking about the actual procedure, the feeling of being able to breathe again is all I can picture.

I turned 30 years old this summer, it is time to take back control over my life. I always used to keep everything to myself. I am definitely a keep-it-to-yourself type of person. When you finally become comfortable enough with yourself to ask others for help, your life will blossom. I want to be the best version of me that I can be, not only for myself, but for my kids too.  am so excited to see what my life will look like 6 months from now. 

Posted in momlife

Finding Financial Independence

Posted on by Mom Boss

Whenever somebody asks how I’m doing these days I always give them the classic-
“…Just living the dream” answer. Of course we all know that saying is complete bullshit. Do you really want to know how I’m doing Brenda? I’m tired, my back hurts, my children are animals, I am drowning in debt/laundry and I’m broker than all get out. 

Our family is a single income household. My husband is the sole provider for our family. I am merely the dependa. (If you’re unaware of this title, google is your friend.) Is our family dynamic by choice? Kind of…..but also kind of not. There are many reasons why I don’t, or am unable, to work. Excuses, excuses, excuses! I know, just save your judgements for the end of the blog, ok?

Any of my working parents out there can attest to the outrageous price of childcare. Now before I discuss this further, just know that this isn’t a slam against daycare providers, at all. It’s all about the numbers, baby. They need to pay staff, pay rent, insurance, supplies. I get it. 100%. However, for two children, good affordable childcare is out of reach. If I get a full time job, my paycheck would basically pay for childcare with no room for much else. 

There are definitely some income eligible options out there.  Our town has a great Head-start program for those who meet the qualifications. The wait list is long, however, and often unobtainable. For the first time ever, I was told my family makes too much money to qualify. Let’s all laugh about that together. Now… I’m not blind, I know that there are many families out there that are in worse financial situations than myself. They should get help before me, I know that. But, a lot of families out there find themselves in the same situation as me… too broke for private daycares, yet too “rich” for federally funded free daycare. My only way out, is to find a job that pays more than the cost of daycare. In a small town, that can be hard to come by. There is still the difficult conundrum much like the chicken and the egg. Which do you get first? The job or the daycare? You either scrape the money together to cover daycare until you find a job, or you get a job and have to scrounge up babysitters until you can get into daycare. 

Moving on. If you’ve read my past blogs or know me personally, then you are already aware that I have children who require therapy. My oldest is now in school, so his therapies are during school hours (for the most part.) My youngest, however, does speech once a week. I would like to get her into ABA (applied behavior analysis) therapy. BUTTTTTT, if you’re unfamiliar with that- it is a very intensive, time-consuming in-home therapy. So, do I sacrifice having a career, financial independence, and a life outside of my children by helping her develop, grow, and learn in an in-home therapy that could ultimately help her the most. Or do I put my financial situation first, and hope that a daycare environment will be enough to teach her all the things she needs to learn? 

I have so much hesitation and “rock and a hard place” decisions to work through when it comes to me working. I am constantly stuck between putting my children first, and needing to help my husband support this family. Don’t get me wrong, the military pay is decent. For a family of four, though, it just aint cutting it. My husband does not get the credit he deserves for how hard he works and financially supporting his wife and two children. I want to have the chance to get out there and take some of the weight off his shoulders.

Before I got married I worked and supported myself. Ok… I mean fine, I was on my parents cell phone plan longer than I probably should have and my dad paid my car insurance basically until I got married. BUT YOU GET THE PICTURE. At one point in my earlier days I was working two jobs and going to college… LIKE A BOSS. Yet, here I am, 10 years later, relying on someone else to pay my bills and give me lunch money. I am 30. Years. Old. It is time for me to get out there and regain my independence. Financially, emotionally, physically. My depression and anxiety constantly tell me, “but if you get your independence, you’re a shit mom for throwing your kids needs on the back burner.” I know this isn’t true, that’s the dark beauty of depression folks. On the flip side, when I tell myself I’m doing the right thing by staying home with my kids and working on getting them the help that they need, that dark beauty comes back and says, “Nah girl, you’re a piece of crap because you’re broke and have nothing in your life for yourself. You need to start making money for yourself!” This inner voice contradicts everything I try to do. No matter which decision I make, my depression always tells me that I’m wrong. It is a constant battle that I have with myself. 

I try different things to balance it all out. I became a consultant for Usborne Books & More. I work from home, throw parties online where people buy the children’s books (which I honestly love, and that is NO LIE, these books are adorable.) Some women make a full time living off of it. It helps me, but does not cover true expenses, for me it’s more play money.  I’ve done a lot of surveys online with Swagbucks. Again, just play money. I most recently got approved to start doing closed captioning work online. This I’m sure will be, again, play money. None of these at- home solutions have turned out to be a long term fix. 

It’s time to break through my inner voice and finally do something. I KNOW I will not be a bad mom for working out a daycare/job situation and start putting myself first. I KNOW that I am not a loser for not working. I need to stop letting myself feel guilty for these decisions I need to make, not only for myself, but my husband and my children. No matter which solution I pick, I know that it will be what is right for our family.