Tag: mom life

Posted in family, momlife, parenting

Finishing up Quarantine Homeschool

Posted on by Mom Boss

This has been a crazy time for all of us hasn’t it? A lot of us have been working from home, kids have been sent home from school, businesses have been shut down, events canceled, no sports… 

I can honestly say that I have had it way easier than most of you, being that I was already a stay at home mom, not much really changed for me. Except, of course, that I had both children in my face…all day….everyday…no breaks. I try not to complain too much about it though, because again, I know all this Coronavirus Craziness is a million times harder for working parents who now have to find childcare for their children AND still find the time to help their kids with their homework after they get home from work… and God forbid spend any quality time with their kids after that or… *gasp* alone time by themselves. God bless you working parents; because you all really are some of the MVP’s of  coronavirus. 

However, us stay-at-home moms wouldn’t mind having a drink, or 6, with you sometime too… cuz’ man, are we sick of our kids… Well, I suppose I should only speak for myself. But I have a feeling, a lot of you are right there with me. Listen, I love these little monsters more than life itself… but all I want, seriously, is to be able to take a dump without someone yelling “mommy” or barging in and showing me something on an ipad or playing barbies at my feet. I mean… get away from me, ya know? …Too harsh? 

Anyway, what was this blog about? OH… finishing up homeschooling. That’s right…

So depending on your district, you may still have a few weeks left, our district wraps up at the end of next week so it’s crunch time here in the McDaniel house.

This entire homeschool thing has been a struggle for both me and Eli. I’m not a teacher. I don’t have the temperament or patience for this kind of stuff. The young kids are hard to get focused because since school was let out, most of them have switched to Summer mode. I totally get it. You’re not on your regular schedule, you’re not in a school building, not with your peers or teachers… I GET IT. But listen pal, I graduated the first grade about 26 years ago- I’m not doing this for me… I’m not just doing this for fun. So we’ve pushed on- through the tantrums, whining, complaining, the sloppy work, distractions- and here we are, the last two weeks.

So what can we do to really knock out these last couple weeks of school? Let’s see….

  1. Write out a delicious color coded homework chart for the week
    • Start with what time to start each day (earlier in the day, before they get too involved with Piggy from Roblox)
    • Include what assignments you want to finish that day and any videos or practices you want to go through that day as well
    • Add time for finishing late work. Let’s be honest.. no one’s perfect, we may not finish something in the time we allotted so if you have a day that may be a little shorter than others, use that day to finish up some homework that’s still incomplete.
  1. Next thing you’re going to do is take your schedule, crumple it, and completely disregard it because… Girl, you aren’t going to follow it anyway…
    • It’s the end of the semester, we’ve been homeschooling for 2+ months now…we know our kids don’t give a damn about our schedules. We are hanging on by a thread. A color coded schedule isn’t going to save you; but it does give you something to do when you’re bored having your morning coffee….

DO NOT OVERTHINK THIS

  • You are a parent, not a teacher (Well, some parents are teachers- y’all handle your own business though..lol.) We are not meant to operate like a school, no matter how much we try, our young elementary kids are not going to take us or the school work seriously- we are just not that specific authority figure.
  • Homeschooling is completely possible, but it takes time and consistency. Because this has only been for a few months… it’s basically just been a crap storm. If you were to do homeschooling for your kids full time, permanently, you would eventually fall into a rhythm and it could work out. 
  • Do not think you’re a bad parent because you’re struggling with this. MOST OF US ARE.
    • Your kid will be fine if you didn’t submit every single assignment
    • Don’t worry if you’re not submitting their work in on time- just try your best to get it done by the end of the semester
    • Your teachers are NOT judging you. They are having just as hard of a time with all of this as we are. They get it. 
    • Keep pushing because we’re almost done
    • The fact that you’re trying at all, is a testament to your ability and dedication to parenting.

None of us are sure what the future holds for fall semester with school, hopefully some answers come soon. One thing I do know… if I need to homeschool all Fall semester I may start putting away money now for my own personal Teachers Assistant.

Keep on pushing moms and dads because Summer is almost here! Then we can make our children be outside all day and hopefully we can all get a little bit more peace!

Posted in weight loss

A Mom’s Transformation

Posted on by Mom Boss

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Since my last blog post was a transformation update on my kids and their development, I figured this week I should update everyone on my own transformation progress!

As I’ve mentioned in a past blog, with the help of my doctor, I’ve been working on a serious weight loss journey. 

When I started my antidepressants after my daughter was born in 2017, around 2 ½ years ago, my energy started decreasing and my weight started increasing. Last summer I was the heaviest I have ever been at 194lbs. Since January I have lost around 30 pounds.

I have been taking Phentermine for several months now to help boost my energy levels and decrease my appetite. So what am I doing aside from just taking a “magic pill”? Let’s do a quick run through… 

Foods

I have stopped drinking pop (soda to my readers reading from outside the Midwest,) I eat very little carbs, sodium, and sugar, I also try to avoid processed and prepackaged foods. No pasta, or potatoes. A few days a week I skip lunch and opt for meal replacement protein shake. Of course I also have my cheat days (like today…way too many carbs for Mother’s Day…)

Blackened chicken with pan fried veggies, Thai chopped salad, protein shake, loaded cauliflower soup, sugar free Powerade.

Workouts

I work out about 30 minutes a day, usually about 6 days a week. My workouts are low impact cardio routines. I follow workout pages on Youtube that I play from my laptop right in the middle of my kitchen. Since gaining the weight, I have a lot of lower back stiffness and frequently reoccurring bursitis in my right knee, so there are a lot of workouts that are still hard for me to do like lunges, running, too much up-and-down routines in a single session. I am hoping that with some more weight loss I can lessen the physical limitations and really push myself to my full potential soon!

one of my workouts I recorded in my sister’s backyard in the end of April

Yoga

I’ve also discussed before that I have started doing yoga most nights. I actually started this to increase my mobility and flexibility. It has helped my lower back issues a little. At the end of my yoga sessions, my lower back feels much better, but the next morning it’s back to being stiff with low mobility. One thing that I have noticed since starting yoga, is I have a lot more awareness in my body, how it works, and how I can control it. I do my yoga at night after I’ve put the kids to bed. This allows me to do it in peace and quiet so I can really focus and relax. I find that doing it before bed does usually help me sleep better since I’m stretching my muscles and relaxing myself. 

Tree pose (Left) Baby Dancer pose (Right)

Despite making all these changes and improvements over the past few months I am a little discouraged that I’ve only lost 30lbs. I know that probably sounds crazy to most of you… 30lbs is a LOT of weight and I am very proud of myself for the weight I’ve lost so far and the lifestyle changes I’ve adapted; but I feel that given the extreme changes I’ve made I should have seen more of a loss. Then again… that is probably just the depression and self-doubt that I still do constantly battle within myself. 

I do think that the antidepressants that I have been on are playing a major factor in my weight. I started gaining most of my weight after I started them and I think it could be part of the reason I’m not flourishing with my weight loss right now. The next step with my doctor is to work on finding the right antidepressant for me. My end goal is to be at a place where I can get off antidepressants completely; but if I am being completely honest here, I don’t think I am ready for that yet. I can see yoga and meditation being a good help for me when I do start to wean off of them, and that is something I never thought I would say. I never would have pictured myself being a yoga/meditation person.

I have never been an active person. I’ve never worked out for fun, I’ve never been super motivated or committed to something for so long. I cannot express how proud of myself I am and how grateful I am for the support I’ve been receiving from friends and family. 

If you’re interested in following my weight loss transformation, follow my Instagram account @transparent.transformation 

Posted in autism, motherhood, parenting

Child Progress Reports

Posted on by Mom Boss

Eli, Age 7

After age 1, Eli started showing signs of regression in the little speech that he had. He didn’t respond to his name (wouldn’t turn and look at you when you said his name). He preferred to play by himself and often didn’t like when people invaded his personal space. He enjoyed lining up any objects he could. 

He started receiving speech services around 18mo. He was diagnosed with Autism at age 2. We moved to San Diego where he started receiving weekly speech and occupational therapy sessions, intensive Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy 20hr/week, and eventually started attending a special education preschool 3hr/day. Eli consistently used around 20 signs to express his wants and needs but had a lot of difficulty understanding and handling his own emotions. 

Eli finally started to talk at age 3 ½ and his language exploded. He went from baby babble to over 100 words within months. He was fully potty trained just after age 4. Since he was nonverbal for so long, potty training was quite difficult. After putting him in preschool settings, he became much more comfortable interacting with others and started to prefer playing with others versus his initial solo play. 

At age 5, Eli was in general education kindergarten with and IEP for speech and occupational therapies during school hours. He has an unbelievable vocabulary, can read and write at grade level, has a lot of friends, enjoys social interactions, and is just overall- flourishing. 

He still, of course, has areas that he needs to work on. 
-His speech still needs a lot of improvement
-He often writes certain numbers and letters backwards
-He has a hard time understanding and controlling his emotions. This often leads to
uncomfortable interactions with his peers. It’s my personal opinion that he is
emotionally younger than his peers.
-Eli becomes easily and extremely frustrated and upset at very minor
inconveniences (more so than other kids his age)

I put together a quick little transformation video of Eli’s progress from age 2 to age 7.

Camille, Age 2 ½ 

As soon as Camille came around I knew what signs to be on the lookout for. I made sure keep an eye on her milestones and make note of any delays. By age one, Camille had no words, some baby babble (but not much), was not playing age appropriately with toys and did not enjoy playing with others. I referred her to the Early On program when we moved home while my husband prepared for his third deployment. Her Early On evaluation found her with a high risk for Autism Spectrum and we started speech therapy services.

Her official autism diagnosis has been quite a long, drawn out process. It took 6 months to even get the evaluation, when we arrived, we found out that we were not completing the entire thing and had to be put on another 6 month waitlist to be seen by the behavioral therapist to complete her evaluation. Without her medical diagnosis, we are unable to start ABA therapy and other private therapies (insurance funded speech and occupational therapies). Before the recent Stay-at-Home order was put into place Camille had JUST started attending a special education preschool. She got a solid 4 days in before she was sent right back home. Although I’m sure she wasn’t too upset about it. haha

Camille is still very young and doesn’t have as much of a timespan of progress as her brother, but she has shown amazing improvement just in the past few months!

What she was doing:
-Did not play with toys appropriately. Would just hold them, sometimes knock them
together. Did not attempt to stack blocks, use shape sorters.
-No imaginative play. Wouldn’t make dolls or toys “talk”, wouldn’t pretend to drink
or eat play food, etc
-No social interaction with anyone except for mom. She would ignore other people
in the room, *sometimes* just sit back and watch others, mostly just did her
own thing
-Only showed interest in about 5 shows/movies
-No words at all. Until Age two Camille was almost silent. She barely even babbled.
After age two her babbling took off but was still just incoherent baby talk.

What she is doing now
-Camille started paying more attention to the movies and shows she was watching.
She began repeating lines from the show (her own baby babble version that
sounded remarkably close to the real word). Then she started singing some of
the songs from her Disney movies.
-She started to engage more in social play (with mom and brother) and eventually
enjoyed some action and reaction type play (ready, set, go- then race the cars)
-She started saying a handful of words, at first very sporadically and not on
command, now much more frequently
*Hi, Bye, Thank you, Mommy, yes, no, bubble, baby, hello, its me, outside
pretty, what, yeah
-Her play time has become much more age appropriate.
*Using more toys correctly (vs just holding them, knocking them together)
*Making dolls and Barbies “talk” to eachother
*Imaginative play (answering a phone, drinking and eating pretend food)
*Starting to color with crayons

Camille is a little too young for a transformation video. Since her progress is still happening… I was having a hard time putting something together to show you all. I still wanted to include her in this blog because I want to keep everyone updated on how great she is doing! So instead of a transformation video, enjoy these random videos of Camille…just being Camille!

Posted in momlife, motherhood, parenting

Common Misconceptions of a SAHM

Posted on by Mom Boss
  1. I’m sure you could work if you really wanted to….
  2. The military must be good money if most wives don’t work.
  3. You don’t do anything all day.
  4. I wish I had your life.
  5. Your life is so easy

These are some things I have heard since I became a stay at home home mom 7 years ago. None of them bother me. In fact, I’m sure I probably say similar things about moms with other family dynamics. Since being a stay at home mom is something I know a lot about… let’s examine some of these frequently said claims, as they pertain to ME.

1. Could I work if I really wanted to?

-Well, yes and no. My life the past 7 years has always been….unstable (and no, I’m not talking about my mental health lol.) Being a military family, we have moved more times than I can even count. I generally don’t stay in a place long enough to hold a decent job. Before Eli started school, he did 20 hours of ABA therapy a week and an hour of speech and occupational therapy a week, then moved on to a 3-hour a day preschool. To hold a full time, or even a part time job for that matter, I would need to hire a full time nanny to be home for therapies and be able to get my son to and from school.

Now that my son is in school full time, I was left at home with my daughter. Could I have worked then? Yes. And I did apply to jobs, unfortunately I didn’t get them. Currently, Eli is in school full time and Camille just started special ed preschool that is 3 hours T-F. So here I am again with more time constraints. I bring my son to school at 8, head back to school to drop my daughter off at 1130, then go back to pick both kids up at 230. Are there any jobs hiring Tuesday- Thursday between the hours of 12-2:30pm??

Furthermore, if I did get a job at any point in the last few years, without a Bachelor’s Degree, any entry level job I could would probably pay pretty closely to what my cost for childcare would be. At that point, is it worth it?

2. So how good IS military pay?

-To put this as vaguely, yet informatively, as possible… no, military pay doesn’t live up to the hype. Listen… if you were to look at the numbers before healthcare, rent, and taxes are taken out, sure, it would look pretty damn good. Then again, that’s true for everyone’s paychecks! I think two of the biggest misconceptions of military pay are: (1) we get free healthcare and rent (2) Military members get paid very well. Both of these are false.

Healthcare, for the member and their family, is taken out before the money reaches the member. Same is said for rent. If you are living in military housing, the rent is taken out of your paycheck before it reaches the service member. I’m assuming this is where the idea comes from that these things are all free? Healthcare coverage depends what plan you’re on and your location. Sometimes everything can be covered 100% with no copays and no deductibles. Currently for my location and the plan that I am on, I pay both.

In all, the military pays decently- not horrible, not fantastic. My husband makes enough to support his family, but the sad truth is… there are a lot more stable and safer careers out there that make far more money. The military definitely doesn’t pay enough for the work and the sacrifices made for the job. Of course, the higher you go, the higher the pay. likewise, if you enter the military with a college degree, you start out with a much higher salary than lower enlisted, and rightfully so.

So if military pay isn’t all that, why are so many wives stay at home moms (or just stay at home wives)? Well… it’s hard. Realistically, service members generally move every four years and can deploy during that four year time too. Having a lot of short lived jobs on your resume doesn’t look the best, nor does having long gaps either. A lot of military towns are saturated with people, making job prospects minimal and hard to come by. A lot of wives probably choose not to work for convenience, and some probably do it because they don’t have any other options!

3. What do I do all day?

-Depends on the day. Back when we lived in San Diego, a typical day for me would be 4 hours of ABA therapy, pick up and drop off at a 3 hour special ed preschool, cooking, cleaning, evening speech and occupational therapy appointments, laundry, homework, blogging, and bedtimes. Lately, an average day for me has been: bring my son to school at 8, come home and work out, bring my daughter to school at 11:30, clean the house and run errands, pick both kids up at 2:30,  snacks, blog, computer work, dinner time, homework time, bedtime, then reclean the house. Is anything I do physically demanding? No. Do I have it easier than most people? Yes. Am I at the complete mercy of my children 24 hours a day and am slowly losing my mind? Also, yes. 

4. I wish I had YOUR life.

-Well, I wish I had YOUR life. The grass is always greener folks… If your hair is short, you have the urge to cut it. When you cut your hair short, you impatiently wait for it to grow back out. There are obviously a lot of appealing parts of being a stay at home mom: seeing your kids more, being there for all of the firsts, yadda yadda. I think a big part of being a stay at home mom that often gets overlooked is that- when being a SAHM becomes a part of your identity, different parts of your identity get forced out. I’ve given up a career, my independence, my freedom. I am at the complete mercy of my children and their lives, so much so that I struggle just to find my purpose and passion in life beyond my kids. I often feel like just a shell of a person, with nothing in my life at all outside of raising children. Don’t get me wrong, I’d make the same choice again and again if given the opportunity. Just know, when you choose to stay home or work, there will always be a little part of you that yearns for the other choice.

5. My life is anything BUT easy

-Am I chopping lumber every day or performing lifesaving CPR on a patient? No, but my life is pretty mentally and emotionally challenging. My routines are repetitive, my freedom is nonexistent, my social life is limited. I am surrounded by kids nearly 24 hours a day. I struggle to finish a single task without being interrupted by a child. Trying to find time to work on my computer, clean an entire room, or even take a shower is a struggle. So sure, being a stay at home mom seems like a pretty easy gig, and it is in a lot of ways… but it is a lot more draining than people give it credit for. 

This blog isn’t to try and say how hard working I am or make my life seem harder than it is. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I work harder than a working mom, another SAHM, or anyone at all for that matter.

A lot of people tend to have this perception that stay at home moms just sit on the couch all day watching real housewives all day eating snacks…don’t get me wrong… WE DO THAT.. we just don’t get to do that ALL THE TIME. There’s a lot more to this life than people think. There is a lot more mental exhaustion and loneliness than people think.

My favorite times of the day as a stay at home mom is the first thing in the morning when it’s dark and quiet and I enjoy my first cup of coffee in uninterrupted silence and at night after my kids have gone to bed when I enjoy a bedtime snack and do some yoga. Those two times are the only times during my day that are all mine. I still may not be able to do anything that I want to do, but at least I get that peace and quiet!

Posted in momlife

Finding Financial Independence

Posted on by Mom Boss

Whenever somebody asks how I’m doing these days I always give them the classic-
“…Just living the dream” answer. Of course we all know that saying is complete bullshit. Do you really want to know how I’m doing Brenda? I’m tired, my back hurts, my children are animals, I am drowning in debt/laundry and I’m broker than all get out. 

Our family is a single income household. My husband is the sole provider for our family. I am merely the dependa. (If you’re unaware of this title, google is your friend.) Is our family dynamic by choice? Kind of…..but also kind of not. There are many reasons why I don’t, or am unable, to work. Excuses, excuses, excuses! I know, just save your judgements for the end of the blog, ok?

Any of my working parents out there can attest to the outrageous price of childcare. Now before I discuss this further, just know that this isn’t a slam against daycare providers, at all. It’s all about the numbers, baby. They need to pay staff, pay rent, insurance, supplies. I get it. 100%. However, for two children, good affordable childcare is out of reach. If I get a full time job, my paycheck would basically pay for childcare with no room for much else. 

There are definitely some income eligible options out there.  Our town has a great Head-start program for those who meet the qualifications. The wait list is long, however, and often unobtainable. For the first time ever, I was told my family makes too much money to qualify. Let’s all laugh about that together. Now… I’m not blind, I know that there are many families out there that are in worse financial situations than myself. They should get help before me, I know that. But, a lot of families out there find themselves in the same situation as me… too broke for private daycares, yet too “rich” for federally funded free daycare. My only way out, is to find a job that pays more than the cost of daycare. In a small town, that can be hard to come by. There is still the difficult conundrum much like the chicken and the egg. Which do you get first? The job or the daycare? You either scrape the money together to cover daycare until you find a job, or you get a job and have to scrounge up babysitters until you can get into daycare. 

Moving on. If you’ve read my past blogs or know me personally, then you are already aware that I have children who require therapy. My oldest is now in school, so his therapies are during school hours (for the most part.) My youngest, however, does speech once a week. I would like to get her into ABA (applied behavior analysis) therapy. BUTTTTTT, if you’re unfamiliar with that- it is a very intensive, time-consuming in-home therapy. So, do I sacrifice having a career, financial independence, and a life outside of my children by helping her develop, grow, and learn in an in-home therapy that could ultimately help her the most. Or do I put my financial situation first, and hope that a daycare environment will be enough to teach her all the things she needs to learn? 

I have so much hesitation and “rock and a hard place” decisions to work through when it comes to me working. I am constantly stuck between putting my children first, and needing to help my husband support this family. Don’t get me wrong, the military pay is decent. For a family of four, though, it just aint cutting it. My husband does not get the credit he deserves for how hard he works and financially supporting his wife and two children. I want to have the chance to get out there and take some of the weight off his shoulders.

Before I got married I worked and supported myself. Ok… I mean fine, I was on my parents cell phone plan longer than I probably should have and my dad paid my car insurance basically until I got married. BUT YOU GET THE PICTURE. At one point in my earlier days I was working two jobs and going to college… LIKE A BOSS. Yet, here I am, 10 years later, relying on someone else to pay my bills and give me lunch money. I am 30. Years. Old. It is time for me to get out there and regain my independence. Financially, emotionally, physically. My depression and anxiety constantly tell me, “but if you get your independence, you’re a shit mom for throwing your kids needs on the back burner.” I know this isn’t true, that’s the dark beauty of depression folks. On the flip side, when I tell myself I’m doing the right thing by staying home with my kids and working on getting them the help that they need, that dark beauty comes back and says, “Nah girl, you’re a piece of crap because you’re broke and have nothing in your life for yourself. You need to start making money for yourself!” This inner voice contradicts everything I try to do. No matter which decision I make, my depression always tells me that I’m wrong. It is a constant battle that I have with myself. 

I try different things to balance it all out. I became a consultant for Usborne Books & More. I work from home, throw parties online where people buy the children’s books (which I honestly love, and that is NO LIE, these books are adorable.) Some women make a full time living off of it. It helps me, but does not cover true expenses, for me it’s more play money.  I’ve done a lot of surveys online with Swagbucks. Again, just play money. I most recently got approved to start doing closed captioning work online. This I’m sure will be, again, play money. None of these at- home solutions have turned out to be a long term fix. 

It’s time to break through my inner voice and finally do something. I KNOW I will not be a bad mom for working out a daycare/job situation and start putting myself first. I KNOW that I am not a loser for not working. I need to stop letting myself feel guilty for these decisions I need to make, not only for myself, but my husband and my children. No matter which solution I pick, I know that it will be what is right for our family.