Tag: ASD

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Newfound friendships

Posted on by Mom Boss

Eli has never had a lot of opportunities for playdates. A lot of my friends have children, but being military we are always relocating. Many of our military friends have no had children yet; so Eli very seldom had the opportunity for friends. Because of his delays, his social skills were subpar and I was worried how he would interact with other kids in school. Since starting school, however, Eli has made a few good friends. When I volunteered for his class I watched Eli go up and initiate play with some of the other kids and it made me so happy. One of my biggest fears after his diagnosis was that he wouldn’t make friends; and it looks like that may not be the case. At least while he is in developmental classes.

Since the first day of school his teachers told me how Eli had a best friend. I was beyond happy for him. Not just because he made a friend, but he made a friend that is just like him. Recently Eli has started to become friends with a girl in his class. They point and wave to each other before and after school and he gets sad when they both get in their cars and leave each other. One day her mother was a couple minutes late for pick-up and Eli demanded to sit and wait with her. I swear my heart swelled over double it’s size. When her mother finally came to pick her up, she ran to her mom and Eli cried because she left. On the way home I asked If she was his girlfriend and he told me yes. Jokingly, I asked if he loved her and he told me yes. Obviously he doesn’t know what I’m even talking about but it was the most adorable thing.

I know Eli will probably have his share of troubles when he starts elementary school, but I cannot express enough how happy I am that he is in this developmental preschool. I feel like it’s everything he needed at this point. He is surrounded by other children just like him. At this point he doesn’t receive any judgment or teasing for his delay and he is making quite a few friends. He is also expanding his vocabulary by the day. We have also nailed down our routines since starting school, every day is different but the schedule is consistent and it’s working well for Eli. Nothing is better for a child diagnosed with Autism than a structured schedule.

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Giving Independence to a NV Child

Posted on by Mom Boss

It was very hard sending Eli off to school. He had been in daycare once before when my husband and I were both working; but that was only for a few months. Now that he will be in school vs daycare there are going to be more demands, which worried me. Nonetheless Eli loves going to school and does great! I had the pleasure of volunteering for his class the other day and to watch him independently following directions and participating in group and solo activities was amazing. He has come so far! But just because I gave him an inch doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to give him a mile.

Aside from the fact that he is so young, I have a very hard time giving him more independence. When we are at the playground I am always two steps behind him; I can’t be one of those moms who sits at a picnic table reading and not paying attention. I am always worried about him getting hurt, being bullied, or him being a bully. Because he is (for the most part) nonverbal he wouldn’t be able to tell me how he got hurt, or if someone was mean, or if he threw something at someone else. He can tell me generally what happened (that he’s upset and at what or who), but cannot tell me details. So I want to be there so I can see everything that happens; if I’m not I may never know what is going on with him.

Eli really wants to ride the bus to school. He see’s other kids getting on and off the busses before and after school and has asked me multiple times to go on them. When I say no, we have to go to the car, he gets very upset and cries the whole way to our car. I never rode the bus as a kid, I always walked to school, but who doesn’t like riding a bus with all your friends? I would love for Eli to experience that and feel more grown up doing this on his own, but I’m not ready and neither is my husband. I just can’t stop thinking about “what ifs”. What if a kid is mean to him and the bus driver doesn’t see? What if he is physically hurt? Who will tell me? Because Eli can’t speak for himself, I will never know if something like this happens. I saw a story on facebook the other day. A five-year-old girl was riding the bus from school to an afterschool program; the bus was mixed with young and old students. The girl was having a tiff with another young girl when a grown boy in high school said “if you don’t hit her then I will” and slapped this five-year-old girl in the face so hard it left a red mark. Thank God the bus had security cameras that caught the whole thing. If that were Eli in the situation I would never known anything like that had happened because he wouldn’t be able to tell me what happened and who did it. He also wouldn’t be able to stand up or defend himself. I never want him to  be in a position that leaves him so vulnerable to attacks. Children these days are horrible and cruel, the thought of someone being able to be hateful to Eli and him not being able to defend himself makes me sick.

The same could be said for Eli’s classroom; things like that can happen anywhere. Although I will say, after volunteering in his class, 4 adults to 7 kids leaves a lot less room for things like that to happen vs a lot of kids to one bus driver. As Eli grows he needs to receive more independence, but because of his delays he’s going to have to get them a little slower than some of the other kids. For the time being, I will continue to be a hovering mother and I have no shame in my hover game!

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Child discipline vs abuse

Posted on by Mom Boss

* Disclaimer *- Post includes disturbing photos and strong personal opinions. All readers have the right to agree or disagree. I would just like to share my thoughts on this subject-

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I saw this post floating around on Facebook today multiple times and it makes my stomach churn every time. A woman was shopping and saw a man dragging his daughter around by the hair while she cried and asked him to stop. The woman confronted him and he told her to mind her own business and he was free to discipline as he felt necessary. The woman called the police who showed up almost immediately and told the woman that unless there were any signs on bodily harm they could not do anything. Are we really supposed to believe that because this poor girl doesn’t show any physical signs of abuse that nothing bad is happening to her? Is seeing a girl being pulled by the hair and crying and begging him to stop not abuse?!? Is our system failing us? Is this the standard for parenting now?

I know that we are present in the “time of sensitivity”. Everyone seems to get offended at everything these days and pretty much no one can take a stand or action without being torn to shreds. I, however, do not think this is the case here. Yes, I believe children should be disciplined. I tell my child no, I raise my voice, I send him to his room, he gets swats on the butt, none of which actually cause him any real pain. When I was younger we got spanked and swatted with wooden spoons, did anyone call the cops? No. Parent’s DO have the right to discipline their children how they see fit…to a certain extent. Publicly abusing and ridiculing your child in front of a hundred or so people in a grocery store is different. I have raised my voice at my son in front of people, I have even swatted his butt in front of people. We’re people watching me? I’m sure. Did anyone judge me? Probably. Did anyone feel the need to call the police? NO. because it was discipline not abuse.

The difficult part in all of this is- where do we draw the line between discipline and abuse? Well for starters, I would say if someone calls the police on you, its probably abuse. We all have our own opinion of where the line is. In my PERSONAL opinion, anything that inflicts substantial mental or physical pain for more than a few minutes is abuse. A swat on the butt may sting for a few minutes then it’s over. There are parents out there that believe spanking a child is abuse and we are all entitled to our own opinions. I can say that I don’t think anyone would call the police if a mother spanked her child quickly in the store after they were purposely being disobedient. I also believe that constantly yelling and ridiculing a child is abuse. As parents we are here to raise our children to be good, polite, happy hardworking people. Would a child come out that way if a parent was constantly yelling at and demeaning them? No, they would grow up scared, angry, and destructive.

There is no perfect mold for parenting. Everyone is going to parent how they feel necessary, whether we agree with them or not. We will all have our opinions on where to draw the line when it comes to disciplining our children. But PLEASE, when given the opportunity, be a voice for a child who needs help.  I know it’s a sticky situation whether or not to but in; because yes, it is none of your business if my kid is screaming his head off during a tantrum and I’m ignoring him. But when you see a child being abused, crying and begging someone to stop- BE THEIR VOICE. Let them know that not all people/adults act this way, let them know that someone will stand up for them. It may be uncomfortable and awkward and you may get yelled at. But are a few awkward minutes worth standing up for a child?

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Learning Tools

Posted on by Mom Boss

Every child learns differently, what works for one child may not work for another. In Eli’s case there was a lot of trial and error to find out what activities were really working for him. As I said in my last blog, Eli responds best to play-based therapy. When he is presented with “hard work” he shuts down and refuses to try. When things are made fun, he is more willing to follow directions and participate. I figured I would show some of the things that work for Eli.

Our main objective here is to get Eli to say more words. So far he’s learned about 15 or so words and he see’s how knowing these words makes life easier; therefore, he is more willing to learn and trying to say new words. This alone gives us a huge boost for progressing his vocabulary, but we need some more ideas. Aside from saying everything out loud and asking Eli to repeat it, we also use a lot of flashcards. I have tons of flash cards that I pick up from the Dollar Tree (pictured- below left). Eli’s speech therapist also uses flashcards, but hers are a little more detailed. Instead of just showing a picture on one side and the word on the other, these cards (Kaufman cards- pictured below, right), break the word down into how we should be sounding out the syllables for Eli. For example, the word “UP” start by saying “uh”, then “uh..P”, then the full word “up”). The Kaufman cards have actually worked really great for Eli so far. I highly recommend them.

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Now that Eli has started preschool we need to focus on some school readiness tasks. He picked up on numbers right away and really didn’t need much help with them at all. Now that he has those working we are now starting ABC’s. to help Eli with the alphabet we have traceable cards and a dry erase alphabet book. Eli isn’t really one for sitting and drawing/coloring. So these are kind of hard to get him to really do. Since he doesn’t really use them to write on, we use them as flashcards. Hold up the letter cards, say the sound, and have Eli repeat it. When he finally finds the interest in tracing them we will work on his writing skills. He does some drawing activities that aren’t too time consuming so he can keep his attention to it. I printed off tracing activities and put them in between clear sheets and have him use dry erase markers.

Eli has always done really great with gross motor skills (throwing balls, running, jumping, etc), but what he lacked in was fine motor skills (pinching, writing, cutting with scissors, etc.) A lot of this is worked on in occupational therapy. A pretty basic way to work on hand muscle activities is picking small items up with tweezers. An interesting activity Eli’s OT brought out one day was silly putty. She has a large amount of silly putty with small beads hiding inside; Eli pulls apart the silly putty and pulls out the beads. It holds his interest well and really works his hand muscles. She also has a big tub of dry beans that is a good sensory activity. But in the tub of beans she has a tennis ball with a face drawn on it, and where the mouth is, is also a cut straight through the tennis ball. When you squeeze the ball, the mouth opens and you can put beans inside. We also have some board games at home that help with his fine motor skills. Two that Eli really enjoys are ‘Let’s go Fishing” and “perfection” (Although perfection scares him when it pops at the end.)

At home in our free time, we also use ABC mouse. We actually started our subscription about a year ago but, up until recently, Eli was too young to really figure out how to use a computer mouse. At this point, we only use it for the game activities, specifically color games. Eli has learned his colors for a few months now but I love the games on ABC mouse. He really gets into them and a lot of them are pretty self explanatory. Again, if it’s fun, it doesn’t feel like work.

I know all kids learn differently, and though these work for Eli they may not work for all kids. But it is also good to find new activities to try. Don’t knock it until you try it!

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The Chair of Shame

Posted on by Mom Boss

A lot of time during Eli’s therapies I have a hard time drawing the line between butting in and staying out of the way. My view is, let the therapists do their job; they’re the educated ones, they know the processes, they know what works and what doesn’t work. However, there are times that, as a mother, I need to say, “Give the kid a damn break!”

Eli was in very intense ABA therapy for a while, (4 hours a day, 5 days a week) so it was kind of hard for me to completely stay out of the process. He also did better when I wasn’t in the room; he listened to the therapists a lot better and didn’t look to me to bail him out. Even through the hours and hours of screams and tantrums I was still close enough to look in and see that it was ok, and every so often I would say “ok, that’s enough” and let Eli take a break. Now, his ABA hours have lessened and so did the demand. ABA is known for being a more intense type of therapy; but at the same time there is a lot of fun and games with it too. Even though he cries a lot during ABA, he has a lot of fun too.

When we go to occupational therapy I am in the room with Eli and his therapist, and though I stay out of the sessions as much as I can, I am there to observe and learn some techniques that work for my son. OT is mostly play based and works great for Eli, no complaints.

Our problem lately has been with speech therapy. The sessions are only 30 minutes, twice a week, each with a different therapist. Eli goes back with the therapists alone and my husband or I are waiting in the lobby. Although waiting in the lobby doesn’t completely keep us out of the loop because we can hear Eli screaming from down the hall. My husband usually takes Eli one night and I take him the other. On the nights my husband brings him, Eli cries and screams the whole session. He mentioned one week that the therapist was going to try keeping Eli in a highchair (pictured above) during the session to keep him focused. I remember not being happy about this at all, but again, the therapists know what they’re doing. After 2-3 weeks of Eli screaming the whole sessions (and not screaming once during the sessions that I take him too) I decided to take Eli this particular night to see what was going on. I didn’t want to seem pushy so I told her how ABA had lightened the stress load because Eli wasn’t responding to forceful “work” he responds almost 100% better during play-based learning. She agreed to try it and invited me back to the room, which is where I first saw the highchair mentioned before and I just could not believe my baby was strapped in that thing for 30 minutes being badgered to name flashcard words. I wouldn’t want to do it either. So she tried just asking him the questions while sitting on the floor and he didn’t response. I told her sometimes other therapists will ask him questions while he is occupied with a toy/game/activity. She did that, and what do you know…he said three words right in a row for her. The rest of the session went smoothly, and hopefully the rest of the sessions will too.

I still stand by my theory that the therapists know what they’re doing and I should, for the most part, leave them to it. But there are times as a mother that you know your child better than they ever will. Parents can give input too. Don’t be too shy to step in and be an advocate for your child.

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School days

Posted on by Mom Boss

Eli is over one week into his first semester of preschool and he loves it (Thank God!). I was very worried about him being ok going somewhere without me. In the past when he went to daycare he would either be happy to go by himself or he would cry and wail when I would turn to leave; it was very hit or miss. This time around he hasn’t cried once, well, except the first day when we came to pick him up (he didn’t want to leave!). I guess when they’re ready, they’re ready!

I do have a lot of concerns about this preschool so far. The whole thing just seemed very unorganized to me. Keep in mind, this is my first child and first time dealing with schools/preschool. I was, and am still, very unsure of how everything works. After meeting with the speech therapist at the school and being told they would like to enroll him in the integrated developmental preschool while we wait for a new IEP, I was just kind of forgotten. Weeks went by without hearing from anyone. I called the school district and was told I needed to come in and register him (who was going to tell me that? I had no idea.) After he was all registered, again I heard from no one. I had to, yet again, reach out to the school and told them I don’t even know the times and days of my son’s class. Do they potty train? Do I bring diapers? Does he get a lunch or snack? I finally got in to meet with someone and got to ask all my questions. I just found it odd, am I the only parent who has asked these questions?? There was no open house or orientation before school began. How are his teachers supposed to know that he signs? That he’s not potty trained? One parent came to pick up their son on the first day and the teacher asked her why she didn’t pack a lunch and the lady told her she didn’t know they served lunch! Class is only 9:30a-12p. Of course all of that information and my questions were all answered in a parent letter in the children’s backpack. How does that help us prepare for the first day of class though?? I have never even seen his classrooms; we meet the teachers out front of the school and they walk the kids back to the classroom. The whole thing is just bizarre.

But staying in the positive, Eli loves going to school so far. His teacher and aids are very friendly! One of the classroom aids told me he made a friend and they played together on the playground. They said he is the best eater in the class and he does very good with his signs. He has come so far in the last for months with all of his therapies and things can only get better after five days a week of socialization with other children and adults. Here’s to a great school year everyone!

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Summer Break

Posted on by Mom Boss

I took a little break from blogging the past few weeks. My mom was out visiting and we were very busy. I have a lot of blog ideas to go through but I thought since Eli starts preschool in the morning I would just post an update for now.

He starts a developmental preschool here tomorrow. 9am-12pm M-F. It is an integrated developmental class so there are children like Eli who are delayed or have different types of disabilities, but also developmentally average children too. I like this idea because Eli won’t be singled out as the only child in class who is far behind or “weird” and also because there are a mix of children they can all learn from each other.

Since we started the trifecta of therapies (ABA, speech, and OT) only 4 months ago, Eli has learned so much. Before we started he was completely nonverbal, only saying “daddy” occasionally and signing about 20 words. He didn’t know any colors, or sounds, or even have good function over his fingers. Today Eli signs over 20 words and phrases, he can point out 5 or so colors, he can say close to 20 different animals sounds, he can count objects (and does so using his fingers) up to three, and he says Mommy, daddy, nana, go, yes, no, and blue. He is also learning to say shorted versions of words to let us know what he is trying to do or say (cheetos= EO’s, play dough= Doe, Richie(therapist)= EE!)

We still have a long way to go to get him to where he should developmentally, but I couldn’t have asked for better results in these four months. Eli will still be getting all three therapies, plus in class speech and OT. The hours of his after school therapies will be lower than what he was getting, and we will lose a couple of his normal therapist, but I have no doubt that we will continue to keep seeing amazing progress!

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Imagination is a beautiful thing

Posted on by Mom Boss

If there is one thing Eli is really good at, it’s imaginative play. He sees fun and adventure in anything. You see stuffed animals, Eli sees a villainous bear who fights a helpless monkey, give him a play kitchen and he becomes a five star chef. He loves building forts, playing hot lava, and pretending he’s stuck or hurt just so he can be rescued. As I type this he’s in the occupational therapy waiting room playing with a road map rug. He puts his stuffed Ryder toy on a caution sign on the rug and makes him catapult into the sky yelling “AHHHHHHH!” Then he walks him to a parking lot and pretends it’s a restaurant and says “YUMMY! Nom nom nom”When Eli is in imagination mode I can see how much he knows and is learning; things that I haven’t even taught him. I heard once that kids are like sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear. Eli learns things from his family, daycare, teachers, therapists, movies, everything!

Yesterday we were playing this dumb game on his iPad called plants vs zombies (I mean really?) but he likes it. These zombies try to walk to your house and the plants stop them. After playing for a while, Eli started walking around the house hunched over with loose arms, pretending to be a zombie. Other things are more productive like watching old McDonald songs on YouTube and learning all of his animal sounds. Watching his therapist perform a task and he copies.

Kids are amazing learners, even those with delays or disabilities. Eli has come SO FAR in the few months he has been in ABA, speech, and occupational therapies. It is so amazing to see how quickly he is picking up on everything. It gives me very high hopes for him.

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Adventures in Cat Sitting

Posted on by Mom Boss

I was looking into getting Eli a therapy dog for quite some time. One to keep him from wandering when we’re out in public and to help him calm down from tantrums. All of the nonprofit organizations for therapy dogs around here won’t help us until Eli turns 4, so until then I try and find opportunities for him to get used to animals. One of our ABA therapists took in a lost dog and I had her bring him to a couple visits. Most recently we offered to cat sit for my husband’s coworker.

The cat came over when Eli was napping and when he emerged from his room and saw a black cat outside his door he shut the door and hid in his room. When I came in to see if he’s ok he pointed past me and said “yeow. Yeow. Yeow.” The cat was scared the first few days and hid from all of us. But after a week has gone by the cat has really grown to like us, or at least just tolerate us; especially Eli. He calls the cat Yeowy. When he comes down from a nap and is looking for him he will walk around the house saying “Yeowy?? Yeowwy!!!” When the cat does something bad Eli will tell him “Yeowy no!”, when the cat is in his way he will say “Yeowy go!” when the cat is on the kitchen counter he will run up and say “Yeowy down!”. Of course because a cat is a cat, I try to be around to enforce Eli’s demands. I want him to know that he is heard but a young cat may not be the best audience.

The cat is going home soon and Eli will be sad; I on the other hand, am ready for it to go back to his home. However, I will say that I am glad we got to have this little experience because I got to see how Eli would react to an animal in the house. Now I want to get him a therapy dog even more! It gives him more opportunity to use direct language to another person besides mommy and daddy (he doesn’t address any of his therapists directly, he will do so more generally. Ex. Instead of saying “Richie go!” he will just tell him “go!”. When speaking to my husband and I he says “Mommy/Daddy go!”) With the cat he picked a name and addressed it directly, which I loved! I think he also got a real kick out of being in charge of something in the house! Overall I would say it was a very good experience for Eli!

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Signing your kid up for Special Ed

Posted on by Mom Boss

When you have your first child you never picture yourself contacting the special ed department to enroll him in school. Eli is only three so I am currently in the process of enrolling him in a developmental preschool at one of our local elementary schools. I really went back and forth with the idea of doing a developmental preschool versus a private preschool/headstart. I always think, does he really need it? Will this be too much for him? Will he learn enough in this class?

One of the pros of doing a developmental preschool, first and foremost, is its free. I’ve written before about us being a struggling one income family, so every penny saved helps a lot. Also, this developmental class has a school Speech therapist and an occupational that will come in and do rotations with all the kids. So, since he will be in school half the day, he will be missing out on some of his other therapies, this way he can still get some services while attending school and get other therapies after school. Also this class will have a mix of delayed children and average developed children so they call all play off and learned from each other. The averagely developed children will act as a model for the delayed children so they can see how something should be done.

There are no real cons of putting Eli in this class; he will be with other children like himself, he won’t be as behind as he would in an average class, he will be getting extra therapy, and they also help with potty training. I just never thought I would be enrolled my son with the special education department, and to be completely honest it’s sad. My dream is that in the next two years Eli will be brought up to speed and will be able to be in a regularly functioning kindergarten and will be able to move through school like the rest of his fellow students. I will be trying everything I can to get this kid up to speed so he won’t have to struggle through childhood.