Tag: military

This weeks task for Eli has been the phrase, “Hi, I’m Eli”. I’ve noticed time and time again that with his lacking social skills, he is not very good at approaching others. Most kids his age don’t really care who a kid is or if he’s “weird”, they see a kid and want to play with them. A child will go up to Eli and say “Hi” and Eli just stands there awkwardly and says nothing; they’ll ask his name or some other question, and again, he stands there saying nothing. Eventually the kid will either walk away or they will just initiate a game with Eli and he will follow suite and play with them. I really want Eli to progress in the social skills department before we hit kindergarten.

He has come a long way in such a short time and it is amazing. When my husband or I walk into the room he is in, we are greeted with “Hi mommy” or “Hi daddy”. He greets his therapists when they come to the door. He very seldom says goodbye to anyone. He is very good at communicating with those of us who spend a lot of time with him; when it comes to new people he gets very nervous, shy, and quiet. I want him to feel confident enough to speak to a new person, especially when they initiate first. Thus began us learning “Hi, I’m Eli.” All of which are words that he can say individually. One of Eli’s weakest areas in his speech is vocal planning. He knows what he wants to say in his head, but when he speaks it comes out jumbled or babbled. He has to plan the words out carefully in his head before he can speak them (until he gets enough practice, then it becomes more natural). When asked to say the phrase word by word he nails it, when asked to say it all together is where he loses it.

I explained to him that when you meet someone new you say “Hi, I’m Eli” he laughs and tries it, but fumbles. There’s too many I’s in there and it comes out sounding quite silly.  Despite sounding silly, he tries it again and again. But really, this is how he learns to speak now. I will quiz him all day long, mostly casually when we’re playing games or watching tv so he doesn’t realize we’re learning. What I’m noticing now is that he WANTS to talk. He wants to learn new words and phrases. He loves being able to communicate with everyone  he knows. Meeting new people is hard, even for adults, let alone starting a conversation with them. I know that it will come with time, but for now I could hear him tell me “Hi, I’m Eli” all day long.

Whether you’re a working parent or a stay-at-home parent, finding alone time is next to impossible when you have kids. After you get the laundry done, dinner made and cleaned up, dishwasher loaded, house picked up- all you want to do is eat your damn candy bar without a kid trying to take it from you. Over the past three years I have been perfecting the art of ghosting out on my kid. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my son and love spending time with him. HOWEVER, every mother knows it’s hard to get a moment to yourself some days without hearing the dreaded “Mom. Mom. Mama. Mommy! MOMMY!” and knowing that when you finally go see what they need, you realize they only screamed your name incessantly so you can watch them jump up and down on the couch cushion they pulled onto the floor. Or when they beg you to come into the room to ask you for a glass of water…when theirs is three feet away on the TV stand. This is where the ghosting out technique comes into play. I’ve described five techniques that I’ve tried out. I’m sure the possibilities to this game are endless.

 

1. Pretend Pooper

You know how seemingly all husbands take 20-minute-long “bathroom visits” while women are in and out in 45 seconds? Aren’t we living in a time of women demanding and receiving equal rights? You get in that bathroom and get the 20 minutes you deserve girl! Who cares if dinner still needs to be cleaned up? Who cares that your kids just destroyed the living room? Who cares if you even have to go to the bathroom at all? Whether you do or not, get a book, open up Facebook, or just put in your headphones and lock that door and enjoy your break.

 

2. Uncharted Territory

Are there any places in your home that your children aren’t allowed to go? I put stop signs on all of the doors in our house that lead outside. Eli acknowledges them and knows that he can only open if we are present with him or he asks permission. Use this to your advantage. Find one of these forbidden areas that would work for your quiet time (maybe an area blocked off with a baby gate). For me, it’s the garage. It is right underneath the living room so I can still hear everything that goes on upstairs, but unless I’m spotted going down there, Eli would have no Idea I’m there.

 

3. Behind closed doors

For this technique any inconspicuous closet will do (as long as you’re not spotted going in, remember, the most important rule of ghosting is to move without being seen) One you are situated in the closet, close the door and remain as quiet as you can. You can hear your child but he can’t hear you. You have just enough time to finish a snack, or read an article on your phone before your child started ripping open random doors to find you.

 

4. Beneath the Sheets

This may not always be an option. The only time I can really get this one to work is when Eli is preoccupied downstairs either with a movie or playing with his dad. A lot of times after I get dinner cleaned up and the boys are playing video games in the living room, I drift upstairs and lay in bed and watch some Netflix on my phone. I can get up to a good 20 minutes sometimes before I’m spotted. It’s not only your children who can bust you; you’re wide open for a spousal bust as well. In fact, most of the time when I get busted with this technique, it’s by my husband. When questioned about what you’re doing ALWAYS answer “I came up to put away laundry but I got a cramp in my leg and I fell down and I’ve been waiting for it to go away.” Don’t believe me? Prove it. I’m gonna go start Eli’s bath now…

 

5. Hidden in Plain Sight

Once your child get’s sick of your hiding antics, they’re going to get better at finding you. This is a good time to switch up your hiding spots. A clever idea is to hide where they’d least expect you. This one has a lot of room for error, but no risk no reward right? While your child is off tearing your bedroom apart or banging on the bathroom door looking for you, you will be hiding in their territory. My son has a loft bed so a good place for me is in the play area underneath his bed. If hidden far enough back he would have no idea I was in there (unless of course he goes under there to play while I’m hiding; which, be warned, is a good possibility). Also, instead of hiding in your closet, you could switch it up and hide in your child’s closet. What are the odds they’d open their own closet looking for you?

Know that this was all in good fun. I really don’t spend my entire day hiding from my child and responsibilities. At the end of the day, my house is clean, my family is fed, and my son is happy. I live a very dull life revolving around my son’s schedule and housework, creating a game for myself makes life a little more fun. Well, that and wine.

(Photo Credit: My husband)

It was very hard sending Eli off to school. He had been in daycare once before when my husband and I were both working; but that was only for a few months. Now that he will be in school vs daycare there are going to be more demands, which worried me. Nonetheless Eli loves going to school and does great! I had the pleasure of volunteering for his class the other day and to watch him independently following directions and participating in group and solo activities was amazing. He has come so far! But just because I gave him an inch doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to give him a mile.

Aside from the fact that he is so young, I have a very hard time giving him more independence. When we are at the playground I am always two steps behind him; I can’t be one of those moms who sits at a picnic table reading and not paying attention. I am always worried about him getting hurt, being bullied, or him being a bully. Because he is (for the most part) nonverbal he wouldn’t be able to tell me how he got hurt, or if someone was mean, or if he threw something at someone else. He can tell me generally what happened (that he’s upset and at what or who), but cannot tell me details. So I want to be there so I can see everything that happens; if I’m not I may never know what is going on with him.

Eli really wants to ride the bus to school. He see’s other kids getting on and off the busses before and after school and has asked me multiple times to go on them. When I say no, we have to go to the car, he gets very upset and cries the whole way to our car. I never rode the bus as a kid, I always walked to school, but who doesn’t like riding a bus with all your friends? I would love for Eli to experience that and feel more grown up doing this on his own, but I’m not ready and neither is my husband. I just can’t stop thinking about “what ifs”. What if a kid is mean to him and the bus driver doesn’t see? What if he is physically hurt? Who will tell me? Because Eli can’t speak for himself, I will never know if something like this happens. I saw a story on facebook the other day. A five-year-old girl was riding the bus from school to an afterschool program; the bus was mixed with young and old students. The girl was having a tiff with another young girl when a grown boy in high school said “if you don’t hit her then I will” and slapped this five-year-old girl in the face so hard it left a red mark. Thank God the bus had security cameras that caught the whole thing. If that were Eli in the situation I would never known anything like that had happened because he wouldn’t be able to tell me what happened and who did it. He also wouldn’t be able to stand up or defend himself. I never want him to  be in a position that leaves him so vulnerable to attacks. Children these days are horrible and cruel, the thought of someone being able to be hateful to Eli and him not being able to defend himself makes me sick.

The same could be said for Eli’s classroom; things like that can happen anywhere. Although I will say, after volunteering in his class, 4 adults to 7 kids leaves a lot less room for things like that to happen vs a lot of kids to one bus driver. As Eli grows he needs to receive more independence, but because of his delays he’s going to have to get them a little slower than some of the other kids. For the time being, I will continue to be a hovering mother and I have no shame in my hover game!